Your Inner Rhino wishes you all the very best, today and every day.
We are aware that Fish and Wish rhyme, but you will be happy to learn that We have not made a poem. Restraint, that’s one of our fortes. Also, the poem wasn’t any good.
Keeping up to date
This is National Cherry Pie Day.
You may think We come up with these celebrations on our own, but that is not the case. These are genuine points of calendar interest, so We feel they should be acknowledged. Inter-species Noblesse Oblige.
Year of the Goat, mostly
Celebrating the Chinese New Year!
There is some confusion which is the poster critter for this year: it may be a goat or a sheep or a yak, We are told. Who can tell??
Rhinos are not all adept with chopsticks. Moody inventions, chopsticks, right?
What’s what
Bling Up!
Fat Tuesday.
Mardi Gras is a Festivity of Excess. What it has to recommend it is the over-the-top, more-is-better approach, of which We heartily approve. Why tip-toe, right?
Questions of Dubious Practices We leave to others to sort out. We take the high road, assuming one is available… most of the time.
Small pleasures are pleasures nonetheless
As you are probably aware, today is National Gumdrop Day. We assume you are already prepared for the event, and who would blame you?
One small point though: Percy Trusdale was not entirely alone in his 1801 experiments with the gumdrop. We do not wish to steal his thunder, but We do feel entitled to a rumble or two when gumdrops come up in casual conversation. Please bear it in mind.
Thanks.
Hearts & Flowers
Yes, Big Sentiment has its place. We admit it.
Internal Chemical Substations
As detailed on Feb.10, there are many internal weigh stations for appraising vegetable matter as it moves along its path. Tweaking is the name of the game, played by Master Technicians.
Pictured is such a checkpoint. Small staff, but essential in its efficiency and dedication. Each Substation communicates with its fellow internal pivot points. Together, their goal is a perfect Expression of Us. Just who all these staff members are is unclear to Us still. Gives you a good idea of how 50 million years are insufficient for grasping many of Nature’s mysteries. Or maybe all of Nature’s mysteries.
It makes Us feel good, knowing that our understanding is inconsequential. Curiosity is all very well, but does not define Time or Space or lima beans. Nature has, and has always had, the reins.
Our job is to go forth, skipping when possible.
Smelly is as Smelly does
The reason Deception is so uncommon with Us Rhinos is that it has a Stink to it that Anybody could detect at any distance. All the phony smiles and bamboozlement on Earth mean nothing. Chicanery is malodorous, and makes all decent critters blush.
It is a good thing We can detect shiftiness with our noses, as We are pretty trusting. We like to extend the benefit of the doubt. Easy targets.
So you see Stench has its uses; without it, each of Us would probably own the Brooklyn Bridge.
Downwind Data
Each and Every Rhino has a distinctive scent. We smell like Us at birth. We are known to one another by scent, mother-to-tot, tot-to-mom, mano-a-mano, BFFs, neighbors, etc., etc.
We take in vegetable matter, and through a surprising transformation, it is converted into poop. Not just any poop however, but highly individualized poop. All the time the food is inside, different Teams are manipulating matters so that when it comes out, any Rhino would know it was your poop and yours alone.
Each of Us produces a daily poop diary. Each of the stars on the chart represents a check-point where the Team takes action, improving the product, based on a host of variables. The Team orchestrates our scentformation, detailing our health, our mindset, and a raft of other particulars. You name the characteristic, it has its unique bouquet.
Flabbergasting, this Team. HOW DO THEY DO IT?!?
The answer is: Genius!
Your Inner Rhino 