R.Witches proceed, as most critters do, to and fro and this way and that. However, We have other capabilities and range of direction. We go up, We go down. We suspend where We like. We defy Gravity, not in a hostile spirit, but to affirm Nature’s variability. Nature is not limited by our assumptions. Nature does as it jolly-well pleases.

Nature’s is a spirit We Rhinos applaud and do our best to emulate.

A word of warning: be sure to work with your broom. Flight Brooms have distinct idiosyncrasies, and some can be Perverse. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

The gas pedal is working overtime here, all in anticipation of the Big Event on Tuesday.

Zowee.

Screeching and cackling take a lot out of a Witch. Practice is good, but watching diet and other considerations all come into play. If a R. Witch wants to maintain a reputation, application is a must. In the Wild, these cries and vocal punctuations are absorbed as part of the evening’s characteristics.

But a Witch often takes a break in the schedule to pamper her epiglottiss. Ululations do not come for free, at least not for the ululatrix.

This is a frantic weekend for the Rhino Hobgoblin League. The meets begin late, when the official speedways close for the night. Then We are free to get into as much mischief as possible… which is a lot of mischief.

It takes a large staff to hold one of these jamborees. The rules, such as they are, are not governed by the ESPN, so grassroot dedication governs the fracas. There are stunt races, speed races, marathons, relay races, you name it! Much To Do. Oh yes, all these efforts are performed on Brooms. You can imagine the specialized expertise that’s involved.

Sometimes, but rarely, a Champion is awarded the top prize, namely, the Clean Sweep! The excitement is difficult to control, so Rhinos don’t bother trying.

Halloween is not just jollly at your house, but around the world. In fact, it may be that Trick-or-Treat traditions come from Northern Europe; that is the way We Rhinos figure it. After all, the Vikings would sail off and pillage England, and come home with nice new treats for the family.

FYI, in the 10th century there were no ‘countries’ as We know them today, just lots of land and various gangs holding on to them for dear life. The English, who met a lot of Vikings, called them all ‘Nordbo’, which meant pirates. Truly.

We Rhinos don’t suggest that our Readers get carried away if you go “Nordbo”. Play nice.

Rhino costumes are often enhanced by select items, which inform the concept of the outfit. R Mummy costumes usually involve trousers, shown off in various ways. We feel that having done all that Egypt research, We should provide finishing touches.

The trousers go to prove that Rhino Mummies can scare the pants off of anybody.

‘YourInnerRhino’ once again addresses the public need for information.

As true in 2023 as it was in 2019. But Now, you can scurry out and augment your candy corn supply. Get ahead of the demand. CC Fanatics are warming up; they don’t take prisoners.

(BTW, Candy Corn was invented in 1888 by George Renninger of the Wunderle Candy Company in Philadelphia. Now you know.)

Glowing in the Dark is not easy to do, and takes a lot of energy. Rhinos can’t be bothered, but that does not mean We are incapable of doing it. Usually one go-round with bioluminescence is enough, in a Lifetime.

Rhinos are, as you know, a zesty gang, but frankly, We don’t get the appeal. We Glow, yes, but the whole business is draining. Naturally, We don’t like to squander our pep. Who knows when We may need it? The pep that is.

We do admit, Rhinos like looking spooooky. Who wouldn’t?

We Rhinos sometimes forget that many plants never have a chance to go anywhere; they are not equipped for the task. Rhinos are fully aware that the plants are probably well adjusted to their situation, going for a stroll is not on the menu. (Likewise, Rhinos have no wings.)

Still, We like to take a junior plant out for an airing. Plants doubtless have feelings about the whole business, but they don’t speak Rhino, and vice versa. So We take it that our efforts on their behalf are appreciated.

Nurses, baby nurses specifically, used to dress along these lines. Before that, We used to wear nothing at all, and that worked just fine also.

Do not let these designs stress you out. Take the outfit as a decade project, doing as you like as you go along. Remember, if people wanted to see a Real iguana, they’s look them up, or go to the zoo or pet store.

What We recommend is that you focus your energies on what is truly IGUANA, the passion, the dynamic, and the mystique. If you don’t get as far as you had hoped, put a sign around your neck, saying something useful, like “IGUANA, take it or leave it”.

Hint: staplers are easy to work with. Try them, you’ll like them.

Want some tips on other costumes? Just let Us know! We are enthusiastic and cheap!